Australia – Film Review

I decided early on that I wasn’t going to write film reviews on here. Not that I don’t have an opinion on films, more that I have trouble summing up exactly what I like and dislike about them. I often think a film is great, average or rubbish; but couldn’t quite tell you exactly why.

So this isn’t a film review… it’s more a few observations of the film I watched the other night. Baz Lurmann’s ‘Australia’

I remember reading about the film ages ago before it came out and remember it being touted as a film that would define the very essence of Australia, a film that would be a truly breathtaking masterpiece. Impressive claims and although I tried my best to have faith in the hype, I never got round to watching it on release. I was also interested in seeing it for the visual effects as they used an environmental generation software called Vue to create some of the CGI shots of the harbour. So… seeing it in Tesco for only £2 it was an opportunity not to be missed!

Unfortunately, it turned out to be one of the worst £2 I’d ever spent. I would have been better of purchasing an additional two loaves of bread, or possibly a multi-pack of Jaffa Cakes. If I had purchased £2 worth of bleach and slowly massaged it into my eyes I may have had a more enjoyable time than I did watching Australia. I felt embarrassed watching it, even though I was watching it alone! The visual effects were ok, but there seemed to be a ridiculous amount of green screen work for no apparent reason. If you’re doing a scene with a space walk to fix a damaged spaceship, you need green screen… if you’re doing a scene where your actor is surveying a demolished city, you need green screen… if you’re doing a shot of an actor on a stationary horse in the outback… you don’t need green screen. It would cut backwards and forwards from shots filmed on greenscreen and shots that weren’t and it was far too obvious. You wouldn’t expect such poor effects from a blockbuster of this size and budget.

Then there’s the annoying, whiny narrative from the young boy that doesn’t add anything to the film, but most certainly detracts from it. As for Nicole Kidman, I’d normally not have a bad thing to say about her, but her performance in Australia was shocking. One minute she’s giving a heart-warming rendition during a ‘touching’ scene, the next she’s attempting to perform some kind of Laurel and Hardy comedy routine and failing miserably! That’s the thing with this film, it doesn’t know what it is and veers ridiculously between several genres… comedy, war, romance, period; resulting in a horrid mess.

It goes on for far too long as well. The traditional first, second and third acts are all there as you’d expect and then there’s another third act… then another first, second and third acts for good measure… seven acts in all! For some films the extra running time is a welcome treat, for others (such as this one) it only contributes to you losing a little bit more of your soul, that you’ll never get back.

Then there’s the claims of racist portrayals of some of the characters… I’m not sure the film was specifically racist in the conventional manner, but I did think it was insulting to the human race in general; so in a way, yes… it was racist. I think the only thing that could have made it worse was if the actors broke out in song every fifteen minutes, but then again that may have actually made it better. I think Bazza should stick to the musicals, but I’d be much happier if he never worked again.

Australia – 0 Stars – Watch at your peril.